Forgoing gifts can help lessen some of the financial burden that comes during the holiday season, but having that conversation with family and friends can bring about feelings of shame and guilt.
鈥淚f we work with the financial shame that arises before the conversation, it鈥檚 going to keep the conversation more grounded and less activated,鈥� said Chantel Chapman, CEO of Trauma of Money.
The high cost of living has left many households scrambling to make ends meet and put food on the table, let alone leave room in the budget for discretionary spending. But opting not to give gifts can be a hard decision and sometimes an isolating one if friends and family aren鈥檛 on the same page.
Researching what鈥檚 happening in the broader economy could alleviate and validate some of the financial guilt you feel about your no-gifting decision, Chapman said.
鈥淵ou鈥檙e not the only person going through this,鈥� Chapman said. 鈥淪hame will confuse us and make us think we鈥檙e the only ones.鈥�
Steve Bridge, a certified financial planner with Money Coaches Canada, said highlighting your big picture goals 鈥� supporting your kids, saving for your kids鈥� education or achieving financial independence 鈥� could also help you overcome the guilt.
鈥淎lmost very rarely do I hear that, 鈥楪iving expensive gifts is on that list,鈥欌�� Bridge said.
Canadians are spending more than they make and many are relying on their credit cards to shop, with average credit card debt exceeding $4,300 in the second quarter of this year 鈥� the highest level since 2007, according to Equifax.
At least 72 per cent of Canadians said holiday expenses are intensifying financial pressures, an October survey by Coast Capital showed.
Once you鈥檝e tamped down any negative internal feelings, it鈥檚 time to articulate your thoughts and have those tough conversations.
Chapman suggests starting the conversation with an opener along the lines of: 鈥淟isten, as you probably know, it鈥檚 challenging right now out there for people and based on my investigation of my budget 鈥� I feel that it would best if we shift the way we participate in gift-giving this year.鈥�
Working through feelings of shame also helps make the conversation less combative, Chapman said. It could even open the door for others to express similar concerns.
Susy Fossati, owner and director of Avignon Etiquette, suggests starting the conversation as early as possible and letting friends and family know your intentions.
鈥淎s soon as you know that you may need to go a different route from the traditional gift-giving, start to communicate that,鈥� Fossati said.
Fossati suggests making a phone call or meeting in person to have a chat about holiday celebrations and float the idea of a no-gift Christmas.
She said the conversation can be easy when approached honestly.
鈥淏eating around the bush is where things can become very complicated,鈥� she said, creating room for misunderstandings.
If a friend or family member still ends up bringing a gift after the no-gifts conversation has been established, Fossati suggests simply appreciating the gesture.
鈥淏ut there鈥檚 no obligation to give a gift back just because you received something,鈥� she said.
Chapman said expressing authentic gratitude is key in such a situation.
鈥淩eciprocity doesn鈥檛 have to be another gift at equal or higher cost,鈥� she said.
Chapman suggested the concept of replacing the gift-giving tradition rather than restricting.
鈥淲hat if you came up with a replacement idea?鈥� she said. 鈥淵ou could say: 鈥業nstead of gifts, I want to focus my energy on spending time with you.鈥欌��
Fossati agreed. People often get caught up in giving gifts that are lavish or expensive, she said. But it鈥檚 about evoking the most basic emotions 鈥� respect, kindness and consideration.
She says activities that don鈥檛 cost a lot of money but still bring joy and togetherness, such as a potluck, volunteering at a charity together or a book exchange could all be done in place of gifts or material items.
鈥淜indness is so much more than a gift wrapped,鈥� Fossati said.
鈥擝y Ritika Dubey, The Canadian Press
